there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
