I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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