i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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