can we get nightvision for the apartment?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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