Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
