Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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