I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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