Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
