i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
