Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This baby is an asshole
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
