Duck Duck Cougar?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize