She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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