weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
