Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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