Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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