you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
