Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
