when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
