so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
