There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
