WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
