So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
