Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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