Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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