I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize