i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
