She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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