My liver just broke up with me...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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