my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
