I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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