this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize