I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
