Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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