I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
