So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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