i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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