and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
