Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
