and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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