There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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