so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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