Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
