his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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