we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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