If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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