we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
