Soap is not a condiment
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
