Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
