I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
