im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
