I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
