Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
