Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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