when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
