I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
