on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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