He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize