What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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