you traded sex for a burrito?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
