My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
