How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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