so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
