when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
