and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
