i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
