I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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