Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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