So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
