My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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