i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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