Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my shit smells like andre
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
