my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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