If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
