so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
