Screwed.edu
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
