I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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