woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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