I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
